So I've had a long crappy week - 90% of which has to do with finals starting on Tuesday. So last night I decided it might help to get a haircut, but of course I decide this at 7 PM on a Saturday, so I drove around for awhile before going to the mall, the only place still open. I figured I'd pay more, but I really wanted it done.
I go into the haircut place and get lined up with a barber named Jesse, and older dude of Mexican descent. This dude's nuts. He first tells me about how he helped bust up this $12 Million dollar fraud scheme against the Texas lottery, where the DA was going after the wrong person so he helped get the right person by intoxicating the fall guys and getting them to spill the information. In retribution, the real fraud guy (who my barber was renting from) burnt his house down with him inside. Don't worry, he just got burned a little bit.
Then he proceeds to tell me about how he used to have this ancient cup that was 'spiritual' but his sister had thrown it away because it was evil. So he keeps trying to get into the Lubbock landfill to dig for it, but the government has made it all classified so he can't get in. Apparently the cup was made between 1130 & 1250 A.D. and is made of bronze because he had it tested. It's just 1 of a set of 4, one of which the Vatican has. The Vatican has the gold one, some business people have the silver one, and he never told me about the 4th one. He did tell me who had them originally - yup, King Arthur. He also learned how to 'activate' the cup by saying some prayer to Jesus and drinking from it.
But we're not done. He then proceeds to tell me that he's a seer. That he predicted 9-11, that he's seen Osama Bin Laden in his visions, and that he's helped the Lubbock Police on multiple occasions by telling them how to solve cases. But of course he doesn't have super great control over this power.
Oh - this was all unprovoked. I didn't ask anything. He just told me all this. And you can't just make this stuff up. So now the haircut's done, and guess what - best haircut I've had since I left Provo. Expensive, Crazy Dude, but a really good haircut. So do I go back?
4 comments:
LOL!! That was awesome. Every once in a while you run into people like that. They just start talking to you and telling you about either REALLY personal stuff (that's true) or just odd random stuff.
I was once in a taco bell doing maintenance and the cashier started telling me she does go to church, but she doesn't care much for Jesus. She said when she prays to him, she doesn't get what she wants, but when she prays to Mary, she get's EVERYTHING she wants. It was pretty funny.
I'm glad you said how good the haircut was. Should have posted a picture.
Is there really a question about this? Of course you go back! Then you promptly post on your clog all of the crazy things this dude says so that we can all enjoy it.
Hey, Ry Ry, this is Monica. I've visited your blog a couple of times and decided it was time to comment. This post was too funny to ignore!
YES. Like Trav said, you have to go back so you can continue to write posts about what this guy said.
If he ever finds that cup, let me know. I'd love to see a 12th or 13th century cup like that...
Well I definitely think I'll be going back. This was too funny.
Also, I thought it was great that since I wear my hair so short a normal haircut is ~15 minutes. With this guy it was 40 minutes. Definitely got my money's worth.
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