Sunday, March 15, 2009

Would you be my friend?

So I'm kinda particular about the use of the word 'Friend'. These days it seems easily confused with the word 'acquaintance'. I figure a real friend is someone who will come help you when you need to move something heavy in the middle of the night, or actually initiates communications from time to time. Anytime things are too one sided, you know it's not a real friendship.

I bring this up because with the internet social websites I use - Facebook & Xbox Live, the debate is always "Are you really my friend?" Here the rules I've established so far...

Xbox Live: Do I know this person in Real Life? If not, they are not my 'friend.'
Facebook: The same rule applies, but because it's becoming so widespread these days additional corollaries include
  • Have I ever talked to you? Would I be likely to repeat this activity?
  • If I saw you in a room, would I want to talk to you?
Put another way, if I saw you were going to be hit by a train, would I warn you? If not, you are not my 'friend.'

I would guess that many/most of my Facebook friends probably are not the kinds of friends I mentioned at the top of the post - you know, real friends. It's certainly a good way to network and stay in touch with people, plan events & junk. Sometimes it's nice to know what's going on with old roommates and friends you haven't seen in years.

But the freaky dude with 1 tooth that was in my ward when I was growing up for 2 years, that I haven't seen in 10 years & wasn't friends with then, who's son's are a couple of straight idiots, you sir are not my friend.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kelly and I have had several long discussions about friends vs. acquittances. I always feel bad when there's someone that I know thinks of me as a friend and I only think of them as an acquaintance. I think a real friend would drive to Goshen just for sodies in the middle of the night, but that's just my $0.02

Tyler Root said...

Are we friends on xbox? If not, add me: tai62

I promise I'll warn you if a train is going to hit you (or a cyber bullet)

Tyler

Unknown said...

I'm with ya trav. If you're not up for driving to the middle of nowhere for the best sodies in the state of Utah, you're probably not a true friend.

Ty, we are friends on Xbox, though I don't think we've ever played together... maybe that should change?

Tyler Root said...

Alright friend. I'm usually playing COD4 or COD World at War, so if you see me, let's play!

e said...

So, I already can tell that my response to your blog is going to be way too long and contain more details than anyone actually cares about. Sorry.

So, Ry, I can totally see your point -- there IS a difference between friends and acquaintances. Shoot, there's even a difference between friends and FRIENDS, you know what I mean?
But, I have to disagree with you on a couple points: I don't think that you have to know someone in "real life" to be close friends. An example of this for me is when my boyfriend (at the time) best friend died. I knew this best friend but didn't know the best friend's girl friend. Anyhooch, in the process of us all grieving, the deceased guy's girlfriend and I began talking via email. Since we had the deceased guy, my boyfriend and the grief of death in common we formed a major bond. She lives in another state and I've never technically met her, but I count her as one of my closest friends.
Another example I think of in terms of acquaintances becoming friends are those I've met casually through friends but didn't really get to know until we interacted through facebook or blogs. I think I've met you in "real life' twice, Ry, at some of Ken & Kevin's parties, but "getting to know you" through this stuff certainly makes me like you more than the initial five minutes I actually spent with you did (not that you were a jerk ... it just was such a limited interaction).

Basically, to me, friendship comes about by several different means, and I think it's ok to take it in all it's forms ... you dig?